Fantasia

Eu queria poder parar de pensar em você. Nos momentos que passei ao seu lado, e nos momentos que passei e ainda passo pensando em você. Em quando eu deitei no seu peito e ouvi seu coração. Em quando eu segurei sua mão dentro daquele táxi. Em quando eu te beijei sorrindo e em o quão feliz eu me senti com você. Em como eu esqueci todos os meus problemas e tudo que me incomodava enquanto estava com você. Eu queria pensar em como eu estou feliz sem você, mas isso é fantasia. Eu queria pensar em alguém que pensa em mim, mas sua presença ocupa toda a minha mente. Um dia talvez essa sua presença suma, assim como eu sumirei da sua vida em breve.

I wish I had enough time to say “I love you”

Fazia tempo que eu não me sentia assim por alguém, mas eu gosto mais de você do que provavelmente deveria. Desde que você entrou na minha vida, eu senti alguma coisa diferente sobre você, senti que você seria especial. E realmente foi. Você me deu uma razão pra não querer ir embora, uma razão pra fazer planos e ficar. Eu sei que fiz coisas erradas, e talvez tenha ido rápido demais, mas eu daria tudo pra fazer tudo do seu jeito, pra te fazer feliz. Daria tudo pra voltar no tempo. Eu só queria uma chance de ouvir um “não vá embora” e de falar um “eu te amo”. Só queria mais uma chance de te falar coisas fofas e não sentir que eu não tenho mais esse direito. Sei que é clichê, e como. Mas é o que eu queria, só isso. Queria ir embora e sentir que estava deixando um motivo pra voltar, e não com esse sentimento de "e se...?". Agora o que me resta é te esquecer, te superar, e seguir em frente sabendo que não vou achar ninguém como você.

Just love

I feel lost. No, I am for sure lost. I don't know what to do, but I just don't want to feel what I'm feeling right now. I'm sick of everyone, I just need someone. Someone who won't leave me, who will be there for me whenever and as long and as I need. I don't know where to go, or what to do. All I know is that I need to change. I'm sick of people talking about me, I'm sick of pretending I don't care when I actually do. I just wanna go away from it all. I need to just lay with that special someone that has been on my mind since I woke up today and not hear a thing, but their heartbeat. Just come and save me from my thoughts, I beg. Run away with me with no destiny, no money, just love.

Faceless

“Elise” Ela ouviu alguém sussurando. Ela sabia que seu nome era Elise, mas preferia não lembrar. “Elise!” Dessa vez parecia mais um grito. Elise não conseguia abrir os olhos ou sequer mexer alguma parte do corpo, ela havia sido paralisada. Ela não lembrava de quase nada, apenas de alguém usando uma máscara e estapeando-a. “Você se acha bonita demais pra mim, não é? Sempre achou. Agora vamos ver quantos se interessarão em você depois disso” Eram as últimas palavras que ela tinha ouvido daquele monstro. E então a dor começara. Seu rosto queimava de uma forma que ela preferia morrer a suportar aquela dor. De repente a dor havia parado. “Estou morta. Finalmente.” Ela pensara.
“ELISE!” De repente ela reconhecera aquela voz. Sua irmã, Isabella. Havia mais alguém ali, soluçando. “Chequem o fundo da casa! E aquela trilha atrás da casa!” Outra pessoa, um policial talvez. E então ela ouviu várias pessoas entrando no quarto em que ela estava, duas delas a tocando. “Ela ainda tem pulso! Me ajuda a colocá-la na maca!” E ela sentiu seu corpo sendo movido. “Então eu ainda não morri? Mas... a dor parou.” E então ela ficou inconciente novamente.
“Mãe! Mãe! Ela tá mexendo o dedo!” E então eu abri meus olhos. Minha irmã e minha mãe com os olhos cheios de lágrimas olhavam pra mim como se eu fosse uma estranha. E era assim que eu me sentia. Eu tentei falar, mas por alguma razão, havia algo tampando minha boca. Levei minha mão até o meu rosto e havia curativos em volta da minha boca e do meu nariz. Meus olhos e minha testa eram os únicos lugares expostos. “O QUE ACONTECEU COMIGO?” Eu queria gritar.
Então, como se tivesse lido minha mente, minha mãe segurou as lágrimas e disse “O que aconteceu com você, filha, foi... um homem te sequestrou há duas semanas, e... nós só te encontramos dois dias atrás.” Ela não conseguia achar palavras, e gaguejava muito. “Eu queria que nós tivessemos te encontrado antes, pra te salvar dessa dor, de tudo que você passou. Mas... o monstro que te sequestrou... ele jogou ácido no seu rosto.” Sua mãe fez uma pausa, e tento se compor. “Os médicos estão decidindo o que fazer... mas você vai sair dessa, minha filha. Nós te amamos e estamos aqui com você.”
As palavras dela foram mais como um tiro. Eu ainda sentia as balas entrando vagarosamente e saindo pelo outro lado. Senti lágrimas escorrendo de meus olhos. Eu não queria me olhar no espelho naquele momento. Naquele momento ou jamais. Eu sabia o que aquilo significava: minha vida chegara ao fim.

CONTINUA

Government Hooker

She woke up at an unknown apartment, a really nice apartment, with an amazing view of Central Park, in New York City. She looked to the left side of the bed and a good-looking guy was sleeping there, with no clothes on. She wished she actually met him and dated him like a normal girl, but she knew she wouldn't be able to, at least for a while. All that she knew was her name: Debbie. And she didn't even know if that was still her. Living that life for three months had changed her extremely; she had grown up a lot, maybe a little bit too much. Before, she was just a spoiled girl who had no idea how to iron clothes or even cook. Now she knew how to live completely by herself and how to take care of her little sister, Natalie. Even though Debbie was only nineteen, she could fool anyone and tell them she was twenty five.

Debbie got up to go to the bathroom and looked at her reflection in the mirror; she was definitely a mess. A hot mess, if you can call it so, but not in her opinion. The brown wig was loose and very messy, her make-up was blurry, and the bright red lipstick was all around her face. She went back to the room to get the rest of her belongings, looked at her phone and there were (5) missed calls. “Oh crap, my sister!” She looked at the time on the phone and realized she had only about an hour to get home, take a shower and get dressed for her first class. So she took her tiny dress that showed off her legs, her fake fur coat, shoes and purse and ran out the door.

It was Debbie's freshman year in Columbia University, and even though she was having a hard time, her grades were pretty good. She could keep up even with no time for studying. Last summer her life was changed forever, it turned completely around. Her parents had died in a car accident a year before, leaving Debbie and her little sister accompanied only by misery. Brad and Jennifer Beuscher had left a lot of money for them to live and to pay for her little sister's treatment, but their lawyer, Mark Wellings, stole all of it, leaving no proof behind. Natalie was ten when she was diagnosed with leukemia, which is a type of cancer of the blood that increases abnormally the white blood cells, and she needed treatment urgently. That was when Debbie realized she would had to learn by herself how to take care of a fourteen year-old, and how to make money. She was sure that there was absolutely nothing in the world that would bring her parents back.

Debbie had decided to do something to get enough money to pay for college, an apartment, and her sister's treatment. She sold the family's old apartment in the Upper East Side, despite the economy bringing the prices down, giving her enough money to pay for a new small apartment in Brooklyn and her sister's treatment for a year. Debbie knew she would lose her dignity doing what she was about to do, but she would still walk with her head held up high. After all, she was only about to do what she needed to help her sister and to pay for her bills.

After getting ready, giving Natalie her medicine and taking her to the neighbor's apartment, Debbie took the subway to college. Natalie stopped attending school, but Caroline, the neighbor, was a retired teacher, so she taught and took care of Natalie ever since they moved. She offered to do so after she saw Debbie crying one night when she got to the apartment; she told Caroline everything.

Debbie looked like a different person in college: no heavy make-up, no tiny and short dresses, no hairspray or wigs and no heels on. She was Deborah Beuscher, a normal college student at that moment, but only during the day. When night came down, Debbie was someone else. Even though Debbie was the name her friends knew her as, she didn't know what else to name herself, so she kept the nickname Debbie during the night. Only her teachers called her by her real name Deborah, everyone else knew her as Debbie. The day was going by so slow, but she was thankful for that. She didn't want the night to come; she just wanted to be normal and have time to actually study and be there for her sister. But deep down inside her, she knew she was doing the right thing.

“Hey Debbie, what's up?” the boy sitting next to her during her last hour asked her. “Damn, I forgot his name. But whatever, I'm not into getting a conversation right now anyways.” she thought to herself. “The ceiling is up.” She answered with a cold voice.

“Oh well, then.” The boy suddenly got up and changed seats. “Why do I have to push people away like that? He was actually kind of cute.” That thought was always in her mind. It was probably for the best anyway, she didn't need anyone asking questions about her life outside college. Besides, she wouldn't have time to go out with anyone.

Class was over, and it was time to go home. Well, only for the normal students. Debbie had her clothes in her bag, and took the subway to the Upper East Side to change in the subway's restroom. The restroom was gross, really disgusting, and it smelled pretty bad. But she did what she had to do. Deborah came in the restroom, and Debbie walked out of it.

As soon as she walked outside the subway, she saw a familiar guy in a black Mercedes. His window was open to this other prostitute, nicknamed Bloody Mary. Debbie looked again and she freaked out. It was the lawyer who stole all that her parents left for her and her sister. “Oh My God! What should I do?” Bloody Mary got in the car and Debbie was speechless. She was staring at the floor, thinking, breathless.

Three hours later, Bloody Mary got back, and Debbie ran up to her and started asking a bunch of questions. “Wow, wow, wow. Wait. Why do you wanna know all that?” Bloody Mary seemed surprised. Debbie couldn't tell the truth, so she just went with the flow, “Well... my... Mom might have hooked up with him and he may be my dad. But seriously, I need to know where he lives. I need to talk to him.” Bloody Mary didn't seem to believe her, but all she said was “You know that's gonna cost you.”

“How much?” Debbie asked her.

“A thousand.” Debbie knew that it was a lot of money, but she could do something to make Mark pay for everything he stole.

Bloody Mary told Debbie everything she needed to know. Mark was living on the Upper East Side, on a two-floor apartment by himself, and he used to pay prostitutes every night. He told Bloody Mary that he would get back on the next day, and that she should bring a friend with her. So Debbie and Bloody Mary agreed that Debbie would be that friend.

One day later, Debbie was at the same spot, wearing the sexiest clothes she had, a wig and a lot of make-up. If he recognized her, Debbie's plans would be ruined. It took a while, but at approximately the same time as the day before, a black Mercedes pulled over. The windows were extremely dark; nothing could be seen inside the car. Then the passenger side's window came slowly down. Bloody Mary was right next to her.

“How much does your friend charge?” He asked Bloody Mary, not recognizing Debbie. “It's 500 dollars an hour.” Debbie said. “Get in the car.” he ordered. He took them to his ten-million dollar penthouse, and told her to strip for him.

Debbie had come up with a plan on the way to the apartment. Her plan was to get him drunk, and make him sign a paper that proved that he had stolen the money her parents left. “Have a drink, sir.” She said with a sexy voice, trying to make it harder for him to recognize her. “Okay baby, but start taking it off for me.” He said. She took a long time stripping, getting him to drink a lot. Once he fell asleep, a semi-nude Debbie started to look for a laptop or computer in the apartment.

“What are you doing?” Bloody Mary asked, scared.

“Okay, I lied to you... He's for sure not my dad; he was my family's lawyer. And after my parents passed away last summer, he stole all the money they left for me and my sister. This is why I work as a prostitute. I'm trying to find a way to get all he stole from me and my sister back.” Debbie explained. Bloody Mary's jaw dropped, and she didn't say a thing.

Once Debbie found Mark's laptop in his bedroom, she typed a document saying he would return all that he stole from her and her sister, saved it and then printed it. Debbie took a little while to find where the printer was, since it was wireless. But once she did, she walked back to the living room, where Mark was, woke him up and said “If you want me to take it all off, you’ll have to sign this. It’s…” She hesitated, trying to think of a reason that would make sense. “A document saying you agree with seeing me naked.” That didn’t make sense at all, but he was drunk, so what she said wouldn’t matter. After he signed it, she put it in an envelope and made him lick it. Now she had his signature and his DNA, all that she needed just in case he denied doing so.

Bloody Mary was still standing there, not a word said. “Look, I would say I feel bad for doing this, but my sister has leukemia, and this is why I do what I do, to pay for her treatment. If he hadn't stolen all the money, I wouldn't be working as a prostitute.” Debbie tried to explain. Bloody Mary finally opened her mouth and said “Oh My God, are you serious? Then what you're doing is not enough. He deserves a lot worse! Losing your parents is not easy, then getting all your money stolen, and becoming a prostitute to help your sister is just… Ugh, I have no words for that! You’re very brave, and what you do for your sister is amazing.”

Then Bloody Mary decided to do something more to make Mark pay for what he did. She took his clothes off, tied him to the bed and called an agency that had minors working as prostitutes. “They’re here.” Bloody Mary said to Debbie. The minors got into the apartment and Debbie and Bloody Mary left and called the police. If they got there and saw him with minors, he would be even guiltier. The thief was arrested and Debbie sued him for stealing from her.

As the police came and took Mark away, Debbie and Bloody Mary watched the whole scene from across the street. “I hope this plan works, it’s my only hope.” Debbie thought to herself. “Thank you. You have no idea of how much this means to me.” She told Bloody Mary.

“You seriously don’t have to thank me. I just wish you told me everything before we actually came here, I would have prepared. You know, my story is kind of similar to yours. I used to live in a middle-class family in a farm in Minnesota: me, my mom, my dad, and my little brother. Then, three years ago during the night, four men came into my house. They wanted money, but my parents kept all of it in the bank, for me and my sister’s college. So once they found out that we didn’t have what they wanted, they said they were going to kill us. It was the worst night of my life. My dad told us to run as fast as we could, and then he tried to fight them, but they shot him. The three of us were hiding in the corn maze we had, but we ended up splitting, and then I heard two shots. They found my mom and my brother. So that’s why I came to New York City, to forget about all that. But well, I still have nightmares about it.” Bloody Mary replied, and Debbie was completely shocked. She didn’t know what to say, Bloody Mary’s story was a thousand times worse than hers.

“Oh My God, I am so, so sorry! I had no idea that you’ve been through all that! You’re the strongest person I know, seriously. If our plan works, as soon as I get the money back would you like to move to my apartment? We could share.”

“It wasn’t really my plan, but absolutely! I’d love to move with you.” Bloody Mary said. “And by the way, my name is Amanda.”

Later that night, Debbie couldn’t sleep. She knew her life would change again, and she was ready for it. She wanted her sister to have a better life, and she wanted to just stop and rest for a bit. She was exhausted from working so much. Debbie could barely sleep, and all she wanted was to stay in bed for a whole day not worrying about how much money she had to make so she wouldn’t lose the apartment.

Three years passed before Debbie could get all of her money back. She was almost done with college, but still working as a prostitute. But once the money came, her life almost went back to what it was before her parents died. They were still not there, but she could finally rest, study and live like a normal college student. Debbie was happy again. And from that moment on, Debbie the girl that gave pleasure to others was in the past, and she could be whoever she wanted now that she had her dignity back. Bloody Mary, or just Amanda now, moved in with Debbie to a bigger apartment and stopped working as a prostitute too. She had always wanted to be a fashion designer. So Debbie helped her to get into Parsons.

Two years passed by, and everything was different. Debbie was a successful editor for W Magazine, Amanda had opened her own clothing line, and Natalie was finally cured from leukemia. The doctors said that in her case, it was almost a hundred percent sure it wouldn’t come back. They could all have their happy endings. Oh well, except for one person. After Debbie and Amanda’s testimony that Mark Wellings did sign the papers, he went to jail for 10 years.

Então você não me ama mais. (continuação)

Assim que a menina entrou, Luísa não conseguiu mais controlar as lágrimas. Ela não queria ser vista daquele jeito, então resolveu ir embora antes que a menina voltasse. Quando ela chegou no portão, a menina gritou da porta:

- Ei, onde você vai? Ele disse que não quer ver ninguém, mas eu posso te deixar entrar, se você quiser.

- Ah, ele não quer me ver? Tudo bem, obrigada mas eu vou embora. Tchau.

E assim ela desapareceu da vista da menina enquanto suas lágrimas borravam toda a sua maquiagem e molhavam sua blusa. A noite estava fria e ela não tinha um lugar pra dormir. Olhou pra trás uma última vez, na esperança de encontrar o olhar de Rafael. Quando olhou para um quarto mais afastado, viu uma sombra na janela. Chamou por Rafael, mas a sombra não respondeu. Então ela se virou e continuou andando, pensando no que faria. Luísa esperava que Rafael convidaria-a para dormir na casa dele, mas não esperava ser ignorada daquele jeito. "Talvez ele realmente não me ame mais e não queira mais nada comigo" ela pensou, deprimindo a si mesma mais do que já estava deprimida. Um pingo de chuva caiu em sua cabeça e, momentos depois, vários pingos. "Que ótimo, era só o que me faltava" pensou para si mesma. E, em menos de dois minutos, ela já estava encharcada. A rua de paralelepípedos a impedia de andar rápido com sua mala de rodinhas. De repente, ela ouviu alguém gritar seu nome. "Que legal, estou ficando louca também". Mas ela ouviu seu nome de novo e então se virou. Parado, na frente do portão de sua casa, estava Rafael. Luísa achou que estivesse delirando, mas de fato ele estava lá. Tudo que ela fez foi ficar parada ali, tentando se acordar. Seu coração batia forte e devagar ao mesmo tempo. Sua respiração ficou pesada. Suas malas caíram na rua de paralelepípedo e se molharam. Por um instante, ela desejou que aquilo fosse verdade. Ela queria estar em seus braços. E Rafael começou a se aproximar rapidamente. Ele estava correndo até ela. Como no filmes. E assim que ele chegou até ela, Rafael a pegou no colo e a beijou, fazendo-a flutuar. 

Suas lágrimas mudaram de tristeza pra alegria, e um sorriso enorme se estendeu pelo seu rosto. Luísa estava mais feliz que nunca, aquele definitivamente era o melhor momento de sua vida. E no fundo de sua mente, ela desejava que não fosse um sonho. Quantas vezes ela já não tinham se decepcionado porque o que ocorrera fora apenas um sonho? Quantas vezes ela já não tinha chorado rios e rios porque seus sonhos não eram reais? Mas daquela vez, ela sabia que não era um sonho. Era a realidade, a sua realidade. Aquela que ela desejava viver pra sempre. O que havia acontecido antes? Ela não e importava. Ela só queria o presente, o agora. E o seu feliz futuro com Rafael.

THE END

Frozen

She had only her bra and her panties on. He had only his underwear. “There is no more going back now.” She thought. She had been waiting for that moment for a long time; the only thing missing was the perfect match. The boy of her dreams, the one that she loved. And she had finally found the one. The one that had the key to her heart. Or at least she thought. Her body was comfortably going, but in her mind there was something telling her not to go ahead. “This is the moment I’ve been waiting for, so what is wrong? I love him, and I’m sure he loves me back, so why is my mind telling me to stop?” she couldn’t stop wondering. So she finally decided to step out and stop, since she wasn’t feeling well. She knew she would regret if she kept going. Suddenly, the door opened and a lot of people came into the room. “Who are these people, what is happening?” And she saw a camera, they were taping it. “What is going on? What are they doing here?” She finally asked him, her love. “Relax, baby. They’re just taping it.” So she got up and got her clothes from the floor and covered herself. And then she walked away. There was a snowstorm outside, and she was almost naked. She was freezing, along with her heart. The tears that started while she left the house wouldn’t stop. She fell on the snow, and there she stayed. Until she froze. She was dead, from a heart disease.